teacher

i am a teacher at work. i enjoy working with students - imparting what little knowledge i have into their impressionable little heads.

i say i have little knowledge, but i do know more than what i give myself credit for. the reasonings, process and theory are things anyone can teach. the things i enjoy teaching are the things you can't express in words. and such things can only be taught by leading by example. no one spends years at uni and thousands of dollars to learn how to help carry a patient's bag or to walk with them down a corridor yet it is those very things which patients really appreciate - they don't understand the techincal details.

and today i think we achieved something, for my colleague and i were treating a patient who was blind, immobile, diabectic (i wonder at why diabetes was of any relevance to us - but it was noted in BOLD on our notes) and in incredible amounts of pain. by taking the time and showing much kindness my colleague and i accomplished what we needed to without any difficulty. and i know we achieved something because after we finished the student who had been observing said my colleague and i made a good team...

comme d'habitude

old habits. i can't shake them. i see patterns.

such a shame. i try to change for the better - i think i do, but i don't.

i am happy though. honestly. for now. the cycle is unbreakable. at least that is the certainty in my life.

my life

i type words, and then delete them. thoughts have been circling my head for days, clouding my judgement; making my life a blur. the words i type never seem to come out right, but they need to come out because i cannot continue on like this.

i constantly feel like something is not right. don't get me wrong, nothing is wrong, but it just doesn't seem right. my emotions are running rampant. i feel worried, then i feel alright as i just forget and then back to worry. sometimes sadness is thrown in to spice things up.

the thoughts that circle my head are ones about friendships. i have had many over my short existance. but the thought of one friendship has been bothering me as of late. the friendship is stretched, but i don't know why. i guess it can be simply put down as us growing apart. but as i grasp at rebuilding (or even hanging onto what we have left), i feel like i'm grabbing nothing. but what bothers me more are the actions my friend took a few months ago. what i see now as almost vindictive makes me wonder what i did to deserve such a thing. it hurts the more i think about it... perhaps i should be careful of who i call a 'friend'.

as i grasp at this 'friendship', i don't look for friendship, but rather closure on what i did to deserve such treatment.