this time next week i'll be homeless.

all's fair in love and war

i'm angry. angry at everyone for no particular reason. i just want to be angry. anger is the only emotion i can be sure of right now.

i don't know how i feel about him. i really don't. i'm glad hes around. i'm glad he wants to spend time with me. i don't know what he wants from me. i don't know what i want from him.

the Daniel

lifes a bitch

*hugs*

crash

i read my horoscope today. i smiled. he read my horoscope. he pointed it out to me; "did you read it?". i smiled. cheers to mr cainer...

indian on chapel. the drinking on commercial. househunting on high. coffee in st kilda. then toast at greville st. toast for lunch on chapel. then toast for dinner in fitzroy. toast for breakfast again in collingwood. swedish meatballs in richmond and then fish for dinner in fitzroy.

tummy still sore from friday. i get sick when life gets tough.

watched crash last night. gripping in parts. close to tears in some, although that doesn't say much. i cried in open season. so between gripping the armrest and crying, i was running to the toilet. i have never felt so much discomfort since 2001. i much enjoyed watching the movie.

i miss her. i do feel a bit alone. but you know. i'm surrounded by people i love. i'll catch up with her soon. i promise.

ur good fun too.

rah rah rah

tired of stupid rants.

my tummy is sore. indian from last night isn't agreeing with it.

insight

interesting day.

while waiting with a patient for a MRI i had a long chat with her about the healthcare system. it was interesting to hear it from her point of view. the time spent with her was good i think. she has always been an anxious lady. building that rapport is important. she enlightened me about how bureaucratic the billing system is in the private sector, sending forms to medicare, insurance companies and then cheques which go from medicare, to the insurance company, then to the patient and then back to the provider. all rather complex. perhaps its a scheme to confuse sick people so much that they forget they are sick.

earlier on today i found out a good friend of mine's grandmother was just diagnosed with cancer. i caught up with her over lunch and then after work. the chat was good. i hoped i helped. she helped me.

i read something today. my friend spoke of the same thing the other night. seems to be recurring. its about purpose, gifts (of love, gestures and thoughts) and reciprocation. everyone has a purpose, or a gift to give, and you usually get given what you give. today i gave all i could. now i feel empty and down.

and now i have nothing else to say.

jealousy

you've made me ever so slightly jealous.

don't know why.

away

i just got home.

weekend away. holiday from the norm. it was great. amazing food, great company and much needed rest.

for the first time since last weekend i felt really comfortable.

struggling

i really am struggling at the moment. i have trouble waking up in the morning, sleeping at night, getting to work, and gettng my work done.

when i close my eyes i feel like crying.

right now everything seems a bit too much for me.

friends are supportive. from those who i expected help, nothing. those who i knew would be there, are there (always have been). and those whose help is totally unexpected, god bless.

get me outta here

so. last night. alone in this house with the other two housemates. it was hell. i felt alone. i'm the only one left on this side of the city. i spent my time online but no one else was.

i went to safeway to get some food for myself. pasta salad and coleslaw. my usual cant-be-fucked solution for dinner. came home and fell asleep.

shit day at work. glad its over.

went to look at a few properties, a couple in tribeca and one in prahran. the tribeca ones reminded me why i didn't move there in the first place. way too small and cramped. two bedroom apartments are only really suited for one person. the place in prahran was beautiful. old victorian house. freshly painted with huge rooms. huge backyard and two car parks. the owner lives next door and maintains the house himself. colour scheme is a bit off, but i can live with that. only problem is, its three bedrooms and too expensive for two people to rent.

sigh. i need to move out. spending time at greville st this evening made me realise i need to be around friends. i need to be across the river...or at least closer to my friends. tribeca's location is great, but still a bit far.

home

i'm at home...and i want to be anywhere but here.

take me away.... now.

dazed and confused

sigh.

drained.

sydney. i don't smoke in sydney because if i do, i get a terrible sore throat. i stopped today. after one night of heavy smoking my throat can't handle it. even the smell of a cigarette makes me feel ill.

i'm heading out to dinner tonight with my sister and tony. its nice to be around family. this afternoon i spent by myself shopping and was much needed. time alone to think. thinking is what i need to do. so much has happened. i need to process all of it.

sydney

so like i'm drunk. third night in a row. rock on. i had the most amazing time tonight. went out to such a lovely dinner at billy kwong. and then headed home for a shower and then left for shift. shift was dodgy as. felt up by the wrong people. we left shortly after one drink and then headed to arq. hot. music was great. remixes of old songs, like pink floyd. hot. mashes of sexyback and put your hands up for detroit. totally fun....

off my tits now...

thanks scotty for a great time. shame you couldn't stay longer. but as long as you had fun. wait. as long as i had fun. which i did. *kiss*

and yet again, thank you for saving me from darkus' friend. shame you werent around to save me again when i left....

funny

...and then theres me.

so. i stumble out of my bedroom with a sore arse. wasn't entirely sure why i had a sore arse or how it happened. found out from another friend that i fell into a coffee table. whoops.

ive find out that joseph is moving out. all good. so that pretty much means that everyone is leaving. the clean up will be a bitch. theres crap in cupboards that seem to have become permanent fixtures of the house and have no real owner.

i cant help but feel guilty because of whats happened. i move into the house and the house turns to shit. nothing seems to get done, dishes seem to pile up, the bathroom gets messier and messier. and it puzzles me at how messy it gets. no one really cooks (or eats) and dishes pile up. no one is home to use the bathroom but there are always discarded razors, dental floss and hair all over the bench. when its clean, i try to keep it clean by wiping down the bench after i use it but somehow it just gets so dirty overnight that i can't be bothered when i use the bathroom. sigh.

so drunk right no

so im so very drunk. started drinknig at 5:35ish at 'wine and cheese' night at work. great. it was fun. i had fun. fun is good. then i met up with jay jay and stella. wetn to eve. so much fun. it was hilarious. danced my fat arse off. hopefully it'll be less fat tmrw. yay. booked tickets to sydney. so very excited. need to get out of this shit hole. love it though. will be back on wednesday. love it. yay sydney. yay sister. yay brother. woohoo. drunk the world is spinning. i forsee a hangover tmrw. yay. no not yayh.