I know my father

MSN chat with my father.

Felix says:
mum says i should get the psa test again
chalks says:
you should
chalks says:
its the least you could do
Felix says:
but there is no agreement about what to do if it is raised
chalks says:
better to get a digital exam
Felix says:
you are right
chalks says:
get it done
Felix says:
if you want a small car to get around melbourne, you can have the A140
Felix says:
730 tonight, SBS Top Gear

Music: Mary J. Blige - Be Without You (Moto Blanco Vocal Mix)

fuck this.

I'm going to swear. I love swearing. It used to turn me off, but now, it comes naturally. Fuck. Fuck sums up whats going on around me. Just when I thought life around me couldn't get any more turbulent, somehow it just does.

And my fucking computer is fucked. Its fucking slow. Maybe its because I haven't fucking turned it off in fucking 7 days. Its starting to fuck me off.

So. My friend, my rock, was confronted with terrible news today. When I found out I dropped everything. The news scared me. Then I felt lost. I'm meant to be a rock. What was I supposed to do? to say? I should fucking know what to do and say. I work in a profession that requires me to give psychosocial support, yet when it comes to friends I have no idea what to do. There are times when I feel so useless and I just hope I'm doing the right thing by my friends.

I called my mother today. To check up on her and make sure things were okay. The news today made me realise my parents aren't invincible. There will be a time when I have to be there for them, just as they were there for their parents. It ain't easy parenting parents. Especially mine; they are perhaps the most stubborn people around when it comes to their own health. How am I supposed to tell my mother "go touch your breasts" or my father "go get a doctor to stick a finger up your arse"? I worry about my father more. He is the more stubborn one. Its where I get it from. My sister and I have been bugging him to get checked up, but you know he doesn't bother. I've told him to at least get his PSA checked. He tells me its not very accurate. I say okay, then get a digital rectal exam. He doesn't reply and then changes the subject. How asian. Avoid confrontation.

Things will be okay. Everything will settle, and then spring will come and my mood will lift.

PS. I think 6 months ago I posted an entry how I shouldn't rely so much on everyone else to make me happy or to help me through tough times. Now, I think, fuck that, two people are stronger than one. Thats what friends are for...

omg

Okay, I just tallied up my meals and entertainment expenses for the past 5 months - oh my fucking god. I spend so much on food. When I decided I'd salary package, I asked colleagues how much meals and entertainment I should package - they said around $4000 for the FBT year. I thought I couldn't make that in a year. I packaged $1800 instead - well below how much I've spent in 5 months. It really isn't as bad as it seems though. A lot of the meals have been split, so its not like I've actually spent that amount of money, but still! Oh well, means my taxable income is reduced.

So, now I'm just sitting here contemplating how much more I should package. I really should be thinking about how to reduce how much I'm spending.
Its such a nice day outside. I don't know what to do. Days like this make me wish I had a dog or some kind of sporting talent.

My weekend has been great. I finish annual leave on Tuesday. I'm really glad I spent this weekend relaxing. Last weekend kind of put me off going out, at least for now. I'm turning into one of those stay-at-home fags.

Music: Beyonce - Deja-Vu (Feat. Jay-Z)

sleepless saturday

I'm at Dxxn's. Sitting at his desk, while hes sleeping. I finally managed to set up this blog. Still in the process of sorting stuff out. I need a bit of creativity to liven this blog up. But then again, I want this blog to be a reflection of myself - I'm not very creative.

Anyways. I'm hoping the bunch of weirdos downstairs have left. I dare not venture downstairs. Its safer up here. Sounds like they are leaving...

I think I'll leave it here for now. I'll blog tmrw.