i sit here in my room by myself and i am happy. this weekend has been busy with me running from place to place, from friend to friend. its been great. but i need the time alone.
i find myself annoyed at my best friend. not at the way we are acting towards each other, because, that i understand. we were once good together, but there was a reason why we were what we were. i remember the night he said that one day we'd walk away stronger and i never doubted him for a minute. that day has come and gone and i understand what we need now. always did.
what i'm annoyed at is something much more basic. and now i have to decide, do i address it? or let it eat away at me? the answer seems clear, but its always easier to avoid.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
qna
so this night has been rather queer. drunk. too many beers with not enough dinner. glad i went out. i had a ball. need to sleep. sweet dreams andy.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
not happy
reading my friend's blog made me feel nostalgic.
i'm home alone in a house i don't like, with no hot water and seriously 1 toilet roll between 2 bathrooms. i'm mozzie bitten from head to toe. hungry because all i've eaten is a bit of fruit, small take away lunch and a summer roll and yet to have dinner. i am seriously not happy at the moment.
i look back on my life and i think of the people who have come and gone in my life and i wonder whats next. who will i say goodbye to? and when i say goodbye, all i have are the memories of what we had. i look back on those memories and i chuckle, smile and have a warm fuzzy feeling deep inside. when the fuzzy feeling subsides i hate myself for saying goodbye.
sigh.
there is a pattern. and i desperately want to change it. i don't like goodbyes.
i miss you. the late night chats on msn or in person, the mi-goreng dinners, cafes all over melbourne, waking you up in the morning, the computer games (how geeky), late night fast food, just hanging out, the crazy driving expeditions. it was fun. i miss it, badly. i was hurt by you, but i think i hurt you more.
i'm home alone in a house i don't like, with no hot water and seriously 1 toilet roll between 2 bathrooms. i'm mozzie bitten from head to toe. hungry because all i've eaten is a bit of fruit, small take away lunch and a summer roll and yet to have dinner. i am seriously not happy at the moment.
i look back on my life and i think of the people who have come and gone in my life and i wonder whats next. who will i say goodbye to? and when i say goodbye, all i have are the memories of what we had. i look back on those memories and i chuckle, smile and have a warm fuzzy feeling deep inside. when the fuzzy feeling subsides i hate myself for saying goodbye.
sigh.
there is a pattern. and i desperately want to change it. i don't like goodbyes.
i miss you. the late night chats on msn or in person, the mi-goreng dinners, cafes all over melbourne, waking you up in the morning, the computer games (how geeky), late night fast food, just hanging out, the crazy driving expeditions. it was fun. i miss it, badly. i was hurt by you, but i think i hurt you more.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
vietnam-ho
freddy and simon. god bless. rang me at 8:00 and asked if i wanted to go to the victoria night markets. such an amazing atmosphere. we walked around looking for food and soon realised we were on the wrong side. simon and freddy going "where is the food!? everyone has got food and where are the stalls?!" and then i am "everyone has beer?! wheres the bar!?!?!". i still don't understand why i love drinking so much...
so we walked around. it felt so much hotter than it really was. i think its the humidity. looked at some necklaces. simon had to head off to cookie. i met freddy back at his house. made some tea and just sat and talked. ended up watching extreme makeover.
the show always puzzles me. its one big advert for plastic surgeons, hair stylists and personal trainers. very ridiculous. the 'guests' get so emotional. and i dont blame them. it must be so weird to want a make over so bad, but then say good bye to what you've known as yourself for so long.
they seem happy at the end of the show...
so we walked around. it felt so much hotter than it really was. i think its the humidity. looked at some necklaces. simon had to head off to cookie. i met freddy back at his house. made some tea and just sat and talked. ended up watching extreme makeover.
the show always puzzles me. its one big advert for plastic surgeons, hair stylists and personal trainers. very ridiculous. the 'guests' get so emotional. and i dont blame them. it must be so weird to want a make over so bad, but then say good bye to what you've known as yourself for so long.
they seem happy at the end of the show...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
monkey magic
so, im tipsy/not so tipsy. sobering up quick smart. i'm at home. started at golden monkey tonight for drinks. some of us drank a bit too much. i however was restrained. i felt i needed a night out without relying too much on alcoholic beverages. surprisingly i made more sense and could actually hold a conversation...because you know, usually i make more sense when im drunk...or at least i think i do.
lovely night out. ended up heading to crown with imma, freddy simon and jo. it was lovely. i do love the people i hang around with. i feel so very special.
lovely night out. ended up heading to crown with imma, freddy simon and jo. it was lovely. i do love the people i hang around with. i feel so very special.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Kanpai!
so today was hell. i was stressed with all the work i had due, a patient to start tmrw, a plan to be signed off tmrw, two patients to start on monday. with my day off being thursday, that didn't leave me much time to get everything sorted.
today things were a mess. everyone had their own shit to deal with , CTs were disorganised and people were just too tired to care. doctors were fed up with the radiation therapists, and we were fed up with the doctors. it came down to petty little games of "well, i'm not going to do this, they can just wait!"
relief came when i visited anna. i brought her flowers and it was nice to sit down and chat to someone totally not work-related. it was only brief but it meant a lot to me, probably more for me than for her.
when the day finally ended, i rejoiced. i ran to the car, jumped in the back and tried to get changed. its hard enough cramming my arse into my raw denim jeans when im standing up let alone when im in the backseat of my car. drove out of there and found myself racing to scotty, daniel and jeremy's place. unintentionally, i managed to get there in record time considering the time of day. looking like shit after a hard day's work, i was so nervous at meeting all the new people. but once inside i felt at ease.
the food was amazing. watching scotty and his friend cook up a storm in their small kitchen made me laugh, realising that i am insanely controlling when i'm cooking in the kitchen and never let anyone touch ANYTHING. from gyoza to okonomiyaki and kara-age everything was beautifully presented and tasted great. i loved just sitting there listening to the music and chatting with people. we stayed up drinking lovely tea laced with vanilla, roses and other fragrant ingredients. i think the first thing i'll buy when i move out is a tea pot.
daniel: chalks needs a breathalyser before posting on his blog.
i laughed because its true...
today things were a mess. everyone had their own shit to deal with , CTs were disorganised and people were just too tired to care. doctors were fed up with the radiation therapists, and we were fed up with the doctors. it came down to petty little games of "well, i'm not going to do this, they can just wait!"
relief came when i visited anna. i brought her flowers and it was nice to sit down and chat to someone totally not work-related. it was only brief but it meant a lot to me, probably more for me than for her.
when the day finally ended, i rejoiced. i ran to the car, jumped in the back and tried to get changed. its hard enough cramming my arse into my raw denim jeans when im standing up let alone when im in the backseat of my car. drove out of there and found myself racing to scotty, daniel and jeremy's place. unintentionally, i managed to get there in record time considering the time of day. looking like shit after a hard day's work, i was so nervous at meeting all the new people. but once inside i felt at ease.
the food was amazing. watching scotty and his friend cook up a storm in their small kitchen made me laugh, realising that i am insanely controlling when i'm cooking in the kitchen and never let anyone touch ANYTHING. from gyoza to okonomiyaki and kara-age everything was beautifully presented and tasted great. i loved just sitting there listening to the music and chatting with people. we stayed up drinking lovely tea laced with vanilla, roses and other fragrant ingredients. i think the first thing i'll buy when i move out is a tea pot.
daniel: chalks needs a breathalyser before posting on his blog.
i laughed because its true...
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
*beep*
funny.
unable to upload to daniel's blog, so i'll have to load it here...
thanks scotty and daniel ;-).
i'm such a retard.
unable to upload to daniel's blog, so i'll have to load it here...
thanks scotty and daniel ;-).
i'm such a retard.
Monday, February 12, 2007
will you marry me?
so imma. sneaky little thing. she got back from overseas yesterday. didn't tell me. didn't ring. but i had a feeling she'd pull something like this. this morning felt a bit different which can be attributed to yesterday's drinking, but is more eery thinking it was because i felt imma's presence...
went for a gorgeous dinner at mecca bah at docklands. great bottle of wine and great food. it was so good to hear imma's voice again. i didn't want to say anything or interrupt her. i just sat there and listened. she was telling us about how her good friend loved hearing her stories and i realised how much i had missed it.
"oh my god you cannot believe...you'll fucking die..."
ahh its good to have her home.
we came home and hit the computer to look up houses and apartments. we fought over which rental accomodation site to use.
me: we should use domain.com because it looks better... look its got green and nice font, none of that red ugly shit on realestate.com. its like why i don't shop at safeway...too much green and red.
imma: no. we should use realestate.com. its better. you can't find shit on domain.com.
i then gave her the ring i bought for her in canada. the special one that was so unique i had to buy it...
will you marry me imma?
(and by marry i mean sign a lease agreement, move in with me, never have sex with me, but maybe let me see your naughty bits)
went for a gorgeous dinner at mecca bah at docklands. great bottle of wine and great food. it was so good to hear imma's voice again. i didn't want to say anything or interrupt her. i just sat there and listened. she was telling us about how her good friend loved hearing her stories and i realised how much i had missed it.
"oh my god you cannot believe...you'll fucking die..."
ahh its good to have her home.
we came home and hit the computer to look up houses and apartments. we fought over which rental accomodation site to use.
me: we should use domain.com because it looks better... look its got green and nice font, none of that red ugly shit on realestate.com. its like why i don't shop at safeway...too much green and red.
imma: no. we should use realestate.com. its better. you can't find shit on domain.com.
i then gave her the ring i bought for her in canada. the special one that was so unique i had to buy it...
will you marry me imma?
(and by marry i mean sign a lease agreement, move in with me, never have sex with me, but maybe let me see your naughty bits)
"your pants are too tight!" part 2
yay i can fit into my size 29 jeans i bought in canada again!
...lets just hope they stretch with me over dinner...
...lets just hope they stretch with me over dinner...
Sunday, February 11, 2007
seediness
i am feeling so very seedy right now. my head is numb. my brain is numb.
graduation ceremony last night. it was nice. nothing special. it was interesting to catch up with uni mates and other people i trained with. there were other places i would have rather been, but i felt it was something i should have gone to. steven bradbury was the orator. he was funny, and his motivational speech was more than "just wait for everyone else to fuck up and then get ahead".
to celebrate my graduation we planned on heading out. we spent about 2 hours at home just trying to decide where to go. we decided to go gay and hit the market. i caught up with some friends there. it was good to see them. peta dropped by and much fun was had. the night ended at 5:30ish. just headed home and chilled out for a couple of hours.
i slept at about 7.
woke up at 9.
i bummed around in bed checking web blogs and newspapers. 11:30 was when i was meant to meet daniel, jeremy and the gang at Carnival for a little picnic. i left the house at 10:30 and picked up various items of food and wine. at this point i was feeling reasonably okay. when i got there i cracked open a beer and started drinking. the one beer was getting me tipsy due to the lack of sleep, food and liver function. had some more vodka jelly shots (which were so very nice and strong). by the time the food was served i was truely tipsy. over lunch i decided to try some punch. people warned me the punch was insanely intoxicating. and i think it was. after finishing a glass of wine i decided to go for a wander.
i ended up looking for darkus. i sat down with them and chatted a little bit, nibbled on some food. at this point i was already drunk. they offered me a glass of champagne and i couldn't resist. 10 minutes after finishing the glass i passed out. slept for half an hour and woke up feeling a bit headachey. walked back to the picnic area and grabbed myself another drink. i fell asleep again. woke up, grabbed another drink. scotty messaged me. the sms conversation became weirder and weirder.
scotty: how much longer will you guys be there for?
me: im drunk.
scotty: she choke on her tits?
me: i'll choke on your tits...
at one point i thought it was better to just ring as it would probably make more sense...
*beep*
me: huh? why didnt it ring. is this voice mail? i don't understand, the phone didn't ring.
daniel: that wasn't a voice mail message was it?
me: i don't know.
daniel: ure drunk.
drank some more. almost fell asleep again. i realised i was too drunk to make it home by myself. i really didn't trust myself. daniel and jeremy graciously let me follow them back home and i crashed on the couch. i fell asleep sitting up.
i woke up in jeremy's bed. all comfy and not upright. lying down is a better position for sleeping...
stumbled outside and found scotty. after a tea i decided it was time for me to venture home. i caught a train to the city and then walked home.
a good weekend. carnival was so very lovely. thanks hon *hugs*.
graduation ceremony last night. it was nice. nothing special. it was interesting to catch up with uni mates and other people i trained with. there were other places i would have rather been, but i felt it was something i should have gone to. steven bradbury was the orator. he was funny, and his motivational speech was more than "just wait for everyone else to fuck up and then get ahead".
to celebrate my graduation we planned on heading out. we spent about 2 hours at home just trying to decide where to go. we decided to go gay and hit the market. i caught up with some friends there. it was good to see them. peta dropped by and much fun was had. the night ended at 5:30ish. just headed home and chilled out for a couple of hours.
i slept at about 7.
woke up at 9.
i bummed around in bed checking web blogs and newspapers. 11:30 was when i was meant to meet daniel, jeremy and the gang at Carnival for a little picnic. i left the house at 10:30 and picked up various items of food and wine. at this point i was feeling reasonably okay. when i got there i cracked open a beer and started drinking. the one beer was getting me tipsy due to the lack of sleep, food and liver function. had some more vodka jelly shots (which were so very nice and strong). by the time the food was served i was truely tipsy. over lunch i decided to try some punch. people warned me the punch was insanely intoxicating. and i think it was. after finishing a glass of wine i decided to go for a wander.
i ended up looking for darkus. i sat down with them and chatted a little bit, nibbled on some food. at this point i was already drunk. they offered me a glass of champagne and i couldn't resist. 10 minutes after finishing the glass i passed out. slept for half an hour and woke up feeling a bit headachey. walked back to the picnic area and grabbed myself another drink. i fell asleep again. woke up, grabbed another drink. scotty messaged me. the sms conversation became weirder and weirder.
scotty: how much longer will you guys be there for?
me: im drunk.
scotty: she choke on her tits?
me: i'll choke on your tits...
at one point i thought it was better to just ring as it would probably make more sense...
*beep*
me: huh? why didnt it ring. is this voice mail? i don't understand, the phone didn't ring.
daniel: that wasn't a voice mail message was it?
me: i don't know.
daniel: ure drunk.
drank some more. almost fell asleep again. i realised i was too drunk to make it home by myself. i really didn't trust myself. daniel and jeremy graciously let me follow them back home and i crashed on the couch. i fell asleep sitting up.
i woke up in jeremy's bed. all comfy and not upright. lying down is a better position for sleeping...
stumbled outside and found scotty. after a tea i decided it was time for me to venture home. i caught a train to the city and then walked home.
a good weekend. carnival was so very lovely. thanks hon *hugs*.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
freddy
i caught up with freddy tonight - long overdue. much love. pauline rang in the middle of dinner:
pauline: hi
me: hi, i'm out at dinner with freddy!
pauline: oh frankie! hi frankie!
like i said, dinner with freddy was long overdue. the food was mediocre - i should have stuck with my usual but i was trying to be adventurous. turned out to be some soggy rice, pea and bbq pork dish. whoops.
freddy told me his good news and i was so happy for him. *claps for freddy!*
we sat and discussed whats been going on in each other's lives. work, love, friendships, that kind of thing. after dinner i was meant to catch up with pauline and was contemplating going for a drink in the city.
me: i don't know what to do...
freddy: just go for a drink...
me: nah i meant in life.
freddy: yeah, just drink...
good times. we ended up just driving around aimlessly just talking.
(okay. so i'm going to work backwards through the week)
thursday night was my work drinks and dinner to celebrate our new interns and me being re-employed. we started off at mountain view. ugh. i hate that pub but its a pub and pubs sell booze and booze is great after work. started off on some crappy sauv blanc, then beer, then jager. ugh bad choices. by the time we got to montezuma's i was slurring my words and i was hugging our nurse unit manager. rohan, linda, kristy and i were having a good laugh at the end of the table just talking shit. i can't remember much of what was said, but i know i laughed a lot. and i remember every time we cracked a joke, we'd hi-five each other and always missed.
at the end of the night we stumbled back into the department to pick up some of our stuff. turns out security freaked out and had run up to the department thinking we were breaking in only to find that we had already been and gone. andy our cleaner got approached by security today and he had a word with kristy. whoops. next time we are meant to check in with security first.
anyways i got home, i apparently blogged and then passed out.
wednesday night i spent the evening with jeremy and daniel. pacific house for dinner and grecos for dessert. such stimulating conversation. i learnt so much. there are times - okay most times - when i find both daniel and jeremy so insanely intelligent. i walked away from that evening feeling a little bit smarter and so very satisfied.
this week has made me realise i've surrounded myself with people i love.
pauline: hi
me: hi, i'm out at dinner with freddy!
pauline: oh frankie! hi frankie!
like i said, dinner with freddy was long overdue. the food was mediocre - i should have stuck with my usual but i was trying to be adventurous. turned out to be some soggy rice, pea and bbq pork dish. whoops.
freddy told me his good news and i was so happy for him. *claps for freddy!*
we sat and discussed whats been going on in each other's lives. work, love, friendships, that kind of thing. after dinner i was meant to catch up with pauline and was contemplating going for a drink in the city.
me: i don't know what to do...
freddy: just go for a drink...
me: nah i meant in life.
freddy: yeah, just drink...
good times. we ended up just driving around aimlessly just talking.
(okay. so i'm going to work backwards through the week)
thursday night was my work drinks and dinner to celebrate our new interns and me being re-employed. we started off at mountain view. ugh. i hate that pub but its a pub and pubs sell booze and booze is great after work. started off on some crappy sauv blanc, then beer, then jager. ugh bad choices. by the time we got to montezuma's i was slurring my words and i was hugging our nurse unit manager. rohan, linda, kristy and i were having a good laugh at the end of the table just talking shit. i can't remember much of what was said, but i know i laughed a lot. and i remember every time we cracked a joke, we'd hi-five each other and always missed.
at the end of the night we stumbled back into the department to pick up some of our stuff. turns out security freaked out and had run up to the department thinking we were breaking in only to find that we had already been and gone. andy our cleaner got approached by security today and he had a word with kristy. whoops. next time we are meant to check in with security first.
anyways i got home, i apparently blogged and then passed out.
wednesday night i spent the evening with jeremy and daniel. pacific house for dinner and grecos for dessert. such stimulating conversation. i learnt so much. there are times - okay most times - when i find both daniel and jeremy so insanely intelligent. i walked away from that evening feeling a little bit smarter and so very satisfied.
this week has made me realise i've surrounded myself with people i love.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
spin me round
okay so the world is spinningngnga right now. i can abrely see what im typing
i odnt understand how i gos t so drunk. spin meround the world is spionning. la a;llalaallalaala aaj
i odnt understand how i gos t so drunk. spin meround the world is spionning. la a;llalaallalaala aaj
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
what a night.
what a wonderful night. pauline, dean, deans parents and myself at rockpool. amazing food. chris the waiter was lovely.
strange looks from guys tonight. guy walked past me and fully made eye contact. not used to it. im used to being invisible...
drunk.
ignore me.
strange looks from guys tonight. guy walked past me and fully made eye contact. not used to it. im used to being invisible...
drunk.
ignore me.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
self-hate
after spending the majority of the past 3 days by myself, i've come to realise how annoying i am to be around. im indecisive, fidgety, so can't sit still, and my thoughts jump around like popping popcorn.
i'm really starting to hate myself...
i'm really starting to hate myself...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
no one is home!!!
landline has been ringing non-stop this morning. i ignore it as usual as its never for me and usually for joseph.
i feel like picking it up and yelling "NO ONE'S HOME!!"
but then that would leave the caller feeling a bit perplexed.
i feel like picking it up and yelling "NO ONE'S HOME!!"
but then that would leave the caller feeling a bit perplexed.
Odd Spot - Friday 2/2/07
ODD SPOT
Talk about nuns on the run. A group of Greek nuns - 55 sisters of the Saints Kirikos and Ioulitis monastery in Sidirokastro - abandoned their convent and went into hiding after running up debts of more than $A1.01 million from a knitting business that went bust, Greek police said.
amusing.
Talk about nuns on the run. A group of Greek nuns - 55 sisters of the Saints Kirikos and Ioulitis monastery in Sidirokastro - abandoned their convent and went into hiding after running up debts of more than $A1.01 million from a knitting business that went bust, Greek police said.
amusing.
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