all by myself..

all by myself.. i remember many karaoke nights screaming it at the top of my lungs. fun. don't ya just love asians?

anyways. alone now. in bed, sore back, tense shoulders, same old same old. watching sex in the city before bed with the rest of them. we started talking about love, life and what not. nothing serious. being alone is my fear. i surround myself with such loving friends, but how long will that last? and is their love enough? people tell me i'll find love, or rather love will find me. but it hasn't happend yet and not likely to happen soon. doesn't matter. i'm at a point where i am too lazy [scared] to love. theres always that lingering thought that i'll just fuck up my next relationship, i shouldn't even bother trying. i start to think i can't make anyone happy. its not like i don't want to love; i just don't want to disappoint anyone.

i'm either going to turn into an old single man or just settle for someone out of convenience or for financial stability. who knows.

i'm just coming down.