i had the biggest scare today. i felt violated. my blog is something personal. although i don't do it often, it is still my medium in which i (when i can) express my most personal thoughts and emotions. the reason for this new blog was to run away from the past and hide a part of my life from someone who was once very much a part of it. this evening i open my email to find that a comment had been left, signed off by 'timw'. after much thinking, and much worrying, i figure out it was another tim.
post-heart-attack, i reflect on what my blog has become. it was started to express my inner-most feelings much like a personal diary but sadly my blog entries are not an expression of my emotions. my emotions are a mystery to me, so there is no chance of me blog-vomiting it all out for all to see. i wonder why i am so disconnected with myself. as the new year fast approaches, i wonder why it feels like i am taking a step backwards. there was a time this year i thought i was connected with my own emotions; that i knew what i was feeling and i felt strong because of it. now i feel weak and lost.
talking online with my dearest friend now. we are discussing our party habits, and thinking about the mischief we get up to when we are out, there is always the coming down after great weekend out. this year; so much has happened, good and bad, and i wonder if my misunderstanding of myself is purely me coming down from what has been an amazing year.
i wonder too much.
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