special

so scattered i am. appreciative of the gestures friends are offering. come stay here. very kind everyone. but. i do not like burdens. and my home is your home does not really apply. i have no home. one thing to have a roof over your head, another to have a place of your own. very very happy to be looked after by friends. i never feel unloved. i do feel displaced...but loved.

crash

i read my horoscope today. i smiled. he read my horoscope. he pointed it out to me; "did you read it?". i smiled. cheers to mr cainer...

indian on chapel. the drinking on commercial. househunting on high. coffee in st kilda. then toast at greville st. toast for lunch on chapel. then toast for dinner in fitzroy. toast for breakfast again in collingwood. swedish meatballs in richmond and then fish for dinner in fitzroy.

tummy still sore from friday. i get sick when life gets tough.

watched crash last night. gripping in parts. close to tears in some, although that doesn't say much. i cried in open season. so between gripping the armrest and crying, i was running to the toilet. i have never felt so much discomfort since 2001. i much enjoyed watching the movie.

i miss her. i do feel a bit alone. but you know. i'm surrounded by people i love. i'll catch up with her soon. i promise.

ur good fun too.

away

i just got home.

weekend away. holiday from the norm. it was great. amazing food, great company and much needed rest.

for the first time since last weekend i felt really comfortable.

get me outta here

so. last night. alone in this house with the other two housemates. it was hell. i felt alone. i'm the only one left on this side of the city. i spent my time online but no one else was.

i went to safeway to get some food for myself. pasta salad and coleslaw. my usual cant-be-fucked solution for dinner. came home and fell asleep.

shit day at work. glad its over.

went to look at a few properties, a couple in tribeca and one in prahran. the tribeca ones reminded me why i didn't move there in the first place. way too small and cramped. two bedroom apartments are only really suited for one person. the place in prahran was beautiful. old victorian house. freshly painted with huge rooms. huge backyard and two car parks. the owner lives next door and maintains the house himself. colour scheme is a bit off, but i can live with that. only problem is, its three bedrooms and too expensive for two people to rent.

sigh. i need to move out. spending time at greville st this evening made me realise i need to be around friends. i need to be across the river...or at least closer to my friends. tribeca's location is great, but still a bit far.

so drunk right no

so im so very drunk. started drinknig at 5:35ish at 'wine and cheese' night at work. great. it was fun. i had fun. fun is good. then i met up with jay jay and stella. wetn to eve. so much fun. it was hilarious. danced my fat arse off. hopefully it'll be less fat tmrw. yay. booked tickets to sydney. so very excited. need to get out of this shit hole. love it though. will be back on wednesday. love it. yay sydney. yay sister. yay brother. woohoo. drunk the world is spinning. i forsee a hangover tmrw. yay. no not yayh.

not happy

reading my friend's blog made me feel nostalgic.

i'm home alone in a house i don't like, with no hot water and seriously 1 toilet roll between 2 bathrooms. i'm mozzie bitten from head to toe. hungry because all i've eaten is a bit of fruit, small take away lunch and a summer roll and yet to have dinner. i am seriously not happy at the moment.

i look back on my life and i think of the people who have come and gone in my life and i wonder whats next. who will i say goodbye to? and when i say goodbye, all i have are the memories of what we had. i look back on those memories and i chuckle, smile and have a warm fuzzy feeling deep inside. when the fuzzy feeling subsides i hate myself for saying goodbye.

sigh.

there is a pattern. and i desperately want to change it. i don't like goodbyes.

i miss you. the late night chats on msn or in person, the mi-goreng dinners, cafes all over melbourne, waking you up in the morning, the computer games (how geeky), late night fast food, just hanging out, the crazy driving expeditions. it was fun. i miss it, badly. i was hurt by you, but i think i hurt you more.

monkey magic

so, im tipsy/not so tipsy. sobering up quick smart. i'm at home. started at golden monkey tonight for drinks. some of us drank a bit too much. i however was restrained. i felt i needed a night out without relying too much on alcoholic beverages. surprisingly i made more sense and could actually hold a conversation...because you know, usually i make more sense when im drunk...or at least i think i do.

lovely night out. ended up heading to crown with imma, freddy simon and jo. it was lovely. i do love the people i hang around with. i feel so very special.

freddy

i caught up with freddy tonight - long overdue. much love. pauline rang in the middle of dinner:

pauline: hi
me: hi, i'm out at dinner with freddy!
pauline: oh frankie! hi frankie!

like i said, dinner with freddy was long overdue. the food was mediocre - i should have stuck with my usual but i was trying to be adventurous. turned out to be some soggy rice, pea and bbq pork dish. whoops.

freddy told me his good news and i was so happy for him. *claps for freddy!*

we sat and discussed whats been going on in each other's lives. work, love, friendships, that kind of thing. after dinner i was meant to catch up with pauline and was contemplating going for a drink in the city.

me: i don't know what to do...
freddy: just go for a drink...
me: nah i meant in life.
freddy: yeah, just drink...

good times. we ended up just driving around aimlessly just talking.

(okay. so i'm going to work backwards through the week)

thursday night was my work drinks and dinner to celebrate our new interns and me being re-employed. we started off at mountain view. ugh. i hate that pub but its a pub and pubs sell booze and booze is great after work. started off on some crappy sauv blanc, then beer, then jager. ugh bad choices. by the time we got to montezuma's i was slurring my words and i was hugging our nurse unit manager. rohan, linda, kristy and i were having a good laugh at the end of the table just talking shit. i can't remember much of what was said, but i know i laughed a lot. and i remember every time we cracked a joke, we'd hi-five each other and always missed.

at the end of the night we stumbled back into the department to pick up some of our stuff. turns out security freaked out and had run up to the department thinking we were breaking in only to find that we had already been and gone. andy our cleaner got approached by security today and he had a word with kristy. whoops. next time we are meant to check in with security first.

anyways i got home, i apparently blogged and then passed out.

wednesday night i spent the evening with jeremy and daniel. pacific house for dinner and grecos for dessert. such stimulating conversation. i learnt so much. there are times - okay most times - when i find both daniel and jeremy so insanely intelligent. i walked away from that evening feeling a little bit smarter and so very satisfied.

this week has made me realise i've surrounded myself with people i love.