So today was my first day back at work after my first annual leave. It felt good to get back into the swing of things. I was greeted with many smiling faces and "we missed you" - sweet aren't they? The morning was weird. Everyone was in hysterics, we were laughing at almost anything. Good times.
Sitting at the computer doing some work I find out that one of the doctors was wondering where I was. He forgot my name and was trying to describe me to one of my colleagues. Apparently he was saying "the asian boy, you know, the one with style, and the nice shoes". I just love it. The one doctor who does have style comments on MY style.
Like I said, its great being back at work. Watching Dxxn this evening mount invites and carefully crop the board down to size reminded me how much I enjoy planning. The perfectionist in me comes out. Everything has to be perfect - the perfect dosimetry, the perfect treatment sheet - fuck, I even preemptively reinforce the holepunch holes. Every photo and picture has to be glued down, then taped over (making sure the tape is square) so there is no chance of the picture ever falling off. I'm such a geek.
I read my ex's blog today. I'm not sure if hes okay. I still care, but I don't think I can be there for him. I'm still hurting from our relationship. Last time I saw him in a state of emotional turmoil, I broke down. It was a time when I thought things were all fine and dandy. Then everything started to crumble. I was worried. I was obsessive again. Is he okay? Will he be okay? Am I okay? What should I do? I moved on when things seemed better - key word - seemed. I don't think things ever got better for him, I just chose to ignore it. Which is what I should do now. Dxxn's words: "If he comes running to you for help, don't get too involved, I don't want you getting hurt". There are so many reasons why I want to help him though - more of them more self-gratifying than out of kindness. Most of all I want to show him I'm strong - stronger than I was, than he is. I want to redeem the dignity I lost in that relationship. I'm not some kid. And I certainly don't like the fact he is disappointed in me for my party habits and the friends I keep. I want his respect. But why?
There's no point. You are right. He'll be fine, with or without me. I'm better off leaving it well alone.
1 comment:
SHOES! i'm having a day of shoes!
it started yesterday. i had to make content for a booklet for a brunch about networking skills, and one of our guest presenters had made her own, and it said wear nice shoes. even if they don't remember your business or care about your pitch, they'll remember your shoes. and i was a bit skeptical... then the conversation moved on to our media partners Vive magazine, and the art director there is an ex of xsvxn, and the first words that came out of my mouth is "he's always so beautifully dressed, you should SEE the shoes he wears." case closed!
so today i wore my nice new shoes to work. not quite the same with jeans tho lol.
Post a Comment