alone

its spring...and its fucking freezing.

i feel so alone. i'm not though. but i am.

i feel empty.

i feel numb.

i'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster that is my life. one day happy, the next sad, then frustrated, then happy, then scattered, then ecstatic at onesix, then REALLY scattered.

meh. claudia said once summer comes around, i'll feel better.

i've forgotten how to meet new people. 6 months ago i was chatty, social and easy-going. i was really sad. back then meeting new people was my coping mechanism. it kept me going, like a little injection of morphine to dull the pain. i met some great people. now, i'm happy and comfortable. i've recovered and have no idea how to meet new people. i feel awkward around people i don't know. i have no motivation to make small talk or start interesting coversations. even amongst friends, i don't really feel like talking. like i said, i feel numb. i think its the months of partying catching up with me.

i think i should change. i can see where this road will take me. i'll end up alone. no friends, no family, no love - no fun.

i really hope claudia is right.